Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Attention Morons


My most gratifying moment of the day was delivered by Laureen over at the New Orleans Metroblog. The sign is posted at the corner of Esplanade and Claiborne. The bottom of the sign says "so is Metairie." I could kiss the person who made that sign. (And I imagine it's quite effective.)

Now, can someone put one on St. Charles Ave. that says:
Attention Morons: The speed limit on St. Charles Ave. is 35 mph, not 15 mph. The pedal on the right is an accelerator. Please use it more, and don't use the one on the left at every corner unless you're about to hit something. (Better still, just pull over and stay there until there's no one behind you.)

Or, make about 1000 of these and put them all over town:

Attention Morons: The proper time to use the turn signal is before you apply the brakes and begin making the turn, not after you've already rounded the corner.

Attention Morons: Even though you're making a left turn into the neutral ground, (maybe you call it a median), you still have to keep right.

Attention Morons: If a traffic signal light turns yellow when you're 20 feet from the intersection and traveling at the speed limit (or faster), don't hit the breaks -unless you want to be rear-ended by the four or five cars behind you who expect to be "making the light."

I have so many driving peeves in this city right now (and I had lots before the Great Labor Migration) that I could spend the rest of the night doing this and still not have exhausted my list.

5 Comments:

Anonymous adrastos said...

You sound just like Dr. A or me for that matter. We need to send some fools back to Texas.

Moron is one of my favorite words. In the early days of my blog, I wrote a lot about my idiot neighbors who I still call Mr. & Mrs. Moron. They are the stupidest people on the planet. End of a story with no point whatsoever.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Schroeder said...

Yeah, I've always wondered why people would spend tens of thousands of dollars on SUV's when the turn signals never seem to work, when they go over bumbs like they're carrying precious cargo, and when they always lead into turns by steering wide in the opposite direction as though they have no clearance.

Oh, and here's another:

Attention morons: the left lane is a *passing* lane, not a cruising lane for cell phone chat.

4:47 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

Adrastos, you should continue to regale us with stories of The Morons. I, personally, find examples of gross idiocy highly entertaining (except when committed by the so-called stewards of the public trust,) and we can always use more levity around here.

Schroeder, I'm with you on those, too...and more. I'm the kind of person who dislikes having anyone in front of me- or more accurately, in my way -and it seems like there is no getting away from the traffic, (and so many moronic drivers) in this town and its wretched 'burbs, where I am indefinitely stuck. The little computer in my car tells me my average speed and it hasn't budged from 23 mph since I've come home.
Grrrrr.....

11:50 PM  
Blogger Ray in New Orleans said...

The wife and I were discussing how getting rid of the Texas plates on our cars was going to be one of the first things we do when we get to town. I don't want to be driving around with the Dark Mark on my vehicle.

Gonna get me a "Proud to swim home" bumper sticker in the meantime to (ahem) tide me over.

1:18 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

Yeah, my car broke down on the way back home from Virginia and I took the "Proud to Call It Home) sticker off my dead Camry's bumper and put it on the new car with it's temporary Virginia plates for the same reason.

9:06 PM  

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