Friday, April 07, 2006

Nothing

I made this little graphic because I like having images with my posts but couldn't find one that communicated my state of mind with any accuracy. Then I decided that I could use this over and over and just change the message to suit my mindset. But this has been it for a while now.

Sure, I have stupid little tidbits of news that I could post, but I just keep asking myself why anyone would want to read about these things. If I imagine myself on the outside looking in, I can only hear myself saying, "who cares..." as I close the browser page and begin looking for more stimulating reading. But then again, I'm pretty bereft of stimulation in general these days and am finding it hard to be stimulated by things that used to hold my interest very well in days gone by.

My whole life seems to be about a big nothing right now. I'm stuck in an seemingly endless holding pattern waiting for the insurance company to play their next card with their engineer's visit. Waiting for contractors and roofers to return my calls. And they don't. Again and again. And while I wait, there is nothing to do. There is nothing new. Every day is Groundhog Day. Nothing changes. Ho hum. Blah, blah, blah. I hate this.

So, rather than bore you with the stupid little things that have come and gone, I'll let this post serve as a notice that I'm still around. Maybe I'll see it differently tomorrow and I will post all the stupid little things. But I still can't figure out why anyone would care when most of it doesn't even interest me and it's my life.

By the way, even if I'm not posting, I am visiting your blogs, though I'm showing up in your stats these days as a visitor from all kinds of non-New Orleans locations, such as Denham Springs or Gretna, Louisiana and Atlanta, GA. It seems my cable ISP has actually gone to dynamic IP addresses, as they've claimed was their practice for years but really wasn't. Now, if I unplug then re-power the modem, who knows what IP address I'll pull or from where it will appear to originate. But even if it says Gretna, you can still tell it's me, (unless you have scads of readers in New Orleans using Cox), because the address looks like this: ip70-171-122-130.no.no.cox.net (Cox Communications) No matter the city shown in the header, that no.no thing is New Orleans. And if I am around, I promise I won't ever use AOL and make myself completely anonymous in your stats. I want you to know I am visiting, even if the null-bug keeps me from commenting.

Sorry for this waste of your time. I'll try to come up with something better to write in the next post. Surely somewhere inside me, there is something worth reading.

12 Comments:

Blogger muse said...

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, you don't have to entertain us! *makes big eyes at you*

I do care, and not about reading witty, polished magazine pieces, just about what's happening with you! ((((hugs)))))

This blog is your space, so if you need to vent, or are depressed, or bored or whatever, just write about it if you want to! We are honoured that you share yourself with us.

I've struggled with similar thoughts too, when things were at their worst ("Why write? I have nothing "worthy" to say. I don't have time! Besides, these days, all I do is complain and spread my sadness, everyone will get fed up and 'take back' their friendship" etc.). But you know what? I look at it like conversations with my friends: if they only gave me perfect little sound bites, I don't think we'd be friends for long (I'd wonder why they didn't trust me enough to say what was really going on, you know?)

So write if you want to, don't write if you're too tired to. I'm not going anywhere, I'm still thinking (well) about you. :)

8:33 AM  
Blogger Richard said...

I want to hear about it, I want to hear about you. Listening to you makes me feel better. So for my sake, please continue to post on whatever comes to mind. Or email me if you don't think it worthy of public attention, but I think muse and I are one of a hand full readers coming back for more about whatever it is your doing. BTW I'm getting a bit worried about Pi, I was gunna post a where are you, have you heard from him?

1:58 PM  
Blogger addict said...

Lisa...
I know I'm kinda new here... but OMG, *this* (your blog) is not about us, it's about YOU, and YOU are why we are here... not for you to entertain us, but because some connection was made between us, because I care about you and how you are doing... or not doing.
In my mind, I'm giving you a huge hug right now...
(Muse said it better than I could, but my thoughts are the same)

3:21 PM  
Anonymous another outspoken female said...

I care :)

5:18 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

You all are such loves! So, you've convinced me. But it really is all just so ho-hum to me. I know I'm probably depressed, just like everyone else in this town.

Ideally, I'd like us all to be entertained, (including me) even if I'm writing about the mundane. I know I've been able to make the mundane interesting at times in the past, but I'm just having such a hard time feeling and expressing things these days. Even when I have a few interesting ideas, something shuts me down. I'm trying to find a way around it and that's when I had the idea for the badge. If I can just come up with one thing to insert after "Hello, I'm..." it might become a catalyst.

Speaking of catalysts, my Outspoken Female friend asked what my utopian vision was in the "Ask Me a Question" post and I never answered. I'll have to work on that. And I just have to say I've been rather amazed by how many parallels she and I have in our lives...
-she 's living in an old house that's undergoing major renovation
-we share the same political orientation
-we're both Mac users with creative proclivities
-we both came of age with the same kind of music influences
-we both but she seems to have some of the same kinds of mysterious (and perhaps oddball) people in our lives. Hers may make occasional cryptic comments in her posts while mine do not. (Or haven't yet.)

One of the biggest differences between us that I know of is that she's spent time bathed in the beauty of wild beaches in New Zealand and I've only dreamed of it. I also think I may be a little older than she is, since she's a Gen-Xer and I'm a late Baby Boomer. But that could still put us prettty close in age.

Oh, Richard- I think we should bombard Pi with inquiries as to his whereabouts and well-being!

Thanks, again, for all your sweet, warm hugs and loving care!

10:52 PM  
Blogger Oliver said...

The quasiperiodic sequence to disorder cannot be modeled without the sine circle map! Zero is the noblest number. Without it--no resolution! Without it, all would be irrational. Lookit Sugar, I'm a 3, a 5, a 7, a 9, an 11. . .Gawd what I wouldn't give to be a whole, to be a zero!

12:38 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

OK, David, maybe I should have put { } in the space to properly designate the null set. A zero may be beautiful and whole under ideal circumstances, circumstances under which I do not currently exist, but it loses it's ability to resolve anything when it's alone and out of that context. Right now I'd be thrilled to be my usual odd integer but ideally, I'd be a laid-back 8, basking happily in infinity- in a state of infinite, conscious love. (which is the ultimate in peacefulness and bliss.)

BTW, did you find a place to stay in NOLA when you and The Rose make your pilgrimage to the Motherland? You'd better pay me a visit! It's been way too long! (And I've got guitars.)

3:43 PM  
Blogger Another Outspoken Female said...

Howdy Lisa: Aren't we both Virgo's as well? We are about the same age, perhaps you are a year older.

I see lots of parallels too.

Though my renovations are a little more straight forward, cheaper and quicker than yours. I hope to be in my rearranged space next month, barring major calamities.

And I have cat(s) instead of actual children :)

Keep in touch.

PS: I still think we can do some internet based fundraising for you. Come on guys - surely between us we a have a brain the size of a planet?

5:52 PM  
Blogger Oliver said...

Thanks lots and lots Lisa, but N.O. doesn't have the federales who can help--surprise, surpirse. We have to go to Houston.

9:27 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

Well, Zaytuni, Houston is only a cheap flight ($65 each way on Southwest) and/or a few hours away by car. It would be a shame to be so close and yet so far. I'll keep looking for a place for you guys to lay your heads if you come, just in case...

1:19 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Hey Lisa - I'm sorry to hear things are still going roughly. I actually think it was a lot easier for Amber and I, having lost everything totally, rather than what you're going through having to pull the pieces back together..

We'll be making a trip back to NOLA at some point in the near future, and I'd love to meet up... (We've got about 70 days left).. I really hope things get better soon, and that perhaps you will eventually come down under, even if just for a visit.

8:52 PM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

Wow! Eric, I was just thinking that I should call you and see if you were planning to come to down because I definitely want to see you before you leave! Please do get in touch. I'm so excited that you and Amber are making a reality of the dream. But I'll get there some day.

(If you've only recently tuned in, I met Eric when he was a student in one of my classes and we became great friends after that. Eric is also an incredibly talented musician and songwriter who was wiped out by the Great Flood, so you can help another victim of Katrina by checking out and buying some of his CDs. I highly recommend them.)


Eric, there have been many times that I thought of how much easier it would have been if everything had been a total loss. There would be far fewer options and decisions to make in that case. But usually people who have lost everything are incensed when they hear me say this. I guess those who interpret it this way just don't understand that I'm in no way minimizing their loss. But I do think it would have been easier. And I probably would be moving, too. Maybe not to New Zealand (not as long as Mom is here), but somewhere else, where it's pretty and there is nice architecture, where there's my kind of work and/or a good PhD program and reasonably-priced houses with lots of closets.

Hope to hear from you and to see you soon!

2:28 AM  

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