Thursday, September 01, 2005

Please Forgive Me...

...for item #2 in the last post. I was lost in a fantasy, trying to make more lemonade from all these lemons once again. I have no right to expect some pleasant diversion of life in a lovely place as this tragedy plays itself out. I should not complain about being here, despite how appalled I am about the price-gouging. I admit it- I'm afraid. I am trying to keep it together over here, but I find myself to be a hair's breadth away from tears most of the time. It's easier to find things to be angry about than to ponder the zillion questions I have about how my friends and neighbors who stayed behind are, how our house is, (from the Digital Globe image I pulled off the web, it looks like our street may be flooded after all), what we do next, where we go, and all the other details about how this all plays out. We came here with about 5 days worth of clothing for hot weaher. My car is parked in the $10/day lot at the Jackson, MS airport, a city that also experienced severe damage when Katrina hit it as a category 2 or 3 storm. I'm not sure what the deal is there. I have so many things to figure out.

In an ideal world, I could turn this into something great. I always look at problems as opportunities in disguise and try to extract the best from them, and leave the stuff that doesn't serve my growth behind. When I express a desire for a lovely city with good weather and water nearby, it's just a fantasy and I know it. It's a mental refuge where I can run away from the images of what's going on at home. All that really matters is that we have a roof over our heads in a place that will be kind to my bi-racial son, a wonderful, sensitive boy who has never experienced real, overt racism or thuggery or any other nasty behavior.

Brandy, thanks so much for your offer. We've received a few others as well, one from my ex-husbands ex-girlfriend in Canada, two from friends in south Florida (though I'm a little leary about staying in Hurricane Alley for much longer) and one from a friend in Keswick, Virginia, just outside Charlottesville. The place I choose will be the place that is best for my kids, first and foremost. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some work wherever we go, as well, as money is an issue.

So, again, please forgive me that rediculous foray into the world of best-case fantasy. I was so embarrassed when I read it that I really think I will go back and remove it. Again, sorry. I'm a little out of my mind right now.


Blogger muse said...

Lisa, cut yourself some slack! No need to feel embarrassed! Sheesh, I'm amazed at how well you're dealing with all this!

Trying to figure out the best option is not silly at all! It shows you're resourceful!

And anyway, really, even if you come out and say "I really would like to live on the Moon and fly around in a spaceship", who cares? You're going through something incredibly stressful!

*big hugs*

Go live with a parent of a friend for a few days until you figure out what the next step is... living in a real home, with people who care about you, will be much better for you all than staying at an impersonal hotel. It's probably going to make you feel safer too, on some level.

No need to see this as "the place where you'll live for a long time to come", this is just a place for you and your kids to get grounded and think for a while, before you decide where that long term place will be (or even that next "in between" place).

I'm sure your friends and family would love to have you close by at this time, they must be very worried about you. So do one of them a favour, and allow them to see you and feel like they are doing something to help! :)

If I had any place to fit anyone, I'd have had you over here in a flash, honey! (in a year and a half or so, when I finally get my house in the woods and leave this cramped apartment, I'm having an open door policy for friends! -and that means you too!-)

8:30 PM  
Blogger pi22seven said...

You're handling this whole thing a lot better than I ever could.

Take somebody up on a place to stay so you can figure out your next step.

You're in my payers.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Richard said...

Muse is so eloquent, and so right. You are in an amazingly stressful situation, and there are going to be times you will spin your wheels, and times in which your incredible resourcefulness will make things work out for you. As muse said I would invite you to my house in a flash, but my apartment pretty much fit's my family.

And pi and muse are right, you took a deep breath and put the paypal icon up (which I can't seem to get working right now, but I will), now just take another deep breath and let friends and family help you, and give you that feeling of comfort and safety for right now. (not that I'm telling you what to do or anything, cuz I don't do that sort of thing, I am always demure... I am, listen to me cuz I know what's best.... eh, er... was that too domineering, ooops I'm sorry, I'm working on that.) My prayers and hopes are with you, ~hugs~

1:00 AM  
Blogger derianthi said...

Lisa, this is almost like writing a letter to someone you know really well but that you have never met before. Which maybe isn't the clearest way to introduce yourself, but it is TRUE.

I am a friend of artemis, who is a friend of muse, whom I admire very much, and now here I am, commenting to your blog...

...because, you see, you could be my daughter. You are the right age, and reading your profile you are very like her in a lot of ways (Macs, photography, writing, music).

And if you were my daughter I would tell you that you have it in your power right now to do something really important for someone. Muse said it when she advised you to do one of your friends a favor and let them help you.

I can only imagine (but then I am an amateur writer myself so I have a VERY good imagination) what you are going through. And I admire and respect you more than I can say for how you are dealing with it.

But I KNOW exactly how it feels to stand on the outside of this tragedy and want to help. I want to help so bad it hurts, and I can't.

Let your friends help you. It is, paradoxically, one of the greatest gifts you will ever be able to give anyone.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your precious children. Go well on the journey.

4:00 AM  
Blogger piu piu said...

i found u via claypot. i wish i could help. i havent been caught up in a disaster, but i'm skint and living in the UK. I can't beleive disney have been so miney grabbing. its disgusting. I know you will find somewhere good to go though, good luck with it all and i'll keep checking back to read how you are x

6:05 AM  
Blogger LisaPal said...

*Choked up and moved to tears*
What can I say? Thank you all SO MUCH. I am truly moved. Beyond words.

2:05 AM  

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